an angel's NOSTALGIA

NOSTALGIA
(bittersweet longing for the past)


undaunted by repeated failures, an angel walked
apprehensions scarcely cease her from running
never a skeptic, never apathetic she has a heart
yet a feeble cry paved way for nostalgia

once, a devil ruined the angel with blatant lies
deviated her from truth said it was illusory
oblivious of what she has become, she believed
eccentrically, she fell deeply in love with him

fallacious memories of this past haunted her
the angel was trapped by the devil's beguiling ways
for her, yesterday would always define her tomorrow
pale and wan, she has become, she yearned for solace

consolation found from another, she first refused
but she was broken so she had him to escape the agony
little did she know , he was there to wound her more
for he was the devil, concealed by a mask

with broken wings and a wounded heart she just walked
she wept and blamed no one but herself
she decided to love she chose to trust
the angel now love's victim, breathed her last


written by alecxandra rimbao
april 20, 2009

i never asked for consolation.

the usual cacophony enveloped my very being

then your paroxysm of giggles made me shiver

peircing every part of me, i continued to shudder

intermittently i heard your voice like chocolate to my ears

i was fighting the mere idea of us in my restless mind

But i knew i wasnt going to win

oblivious to my distraction i was actually falling

this should stop.. i should not be swayed by my own wishes

let me escape this illusion, it would cause me anguish

i'm vulnerable, i never wanted hurt and chagrin

for the nth time wake me up from this deep slumber

to a reality in my microcosm i hope exists..

--alecx

why would i grieve for the loss of someone who was never mine?

what's ahead of me?

goodbye 2008..

goodbye heartaches..

goodbye grudges..

Excitement is what i feel as i face 2009. I do expect a lot of changes. I need them. I have to challenge myself to be a lot better emotionally and physically. Considering that my grades in third year High School would be my pass to the universities i would love to enter, I need to start doing something.


The past year had been a tough one. Crashing down to being the top * of my batch, drastic weight gain, having a lot of emotional stress and losing people i treasured- circumstances that shook me and made me realize how much I've hated reality. As young as I am, I'm wondering of what's ahead of me.


All I know now is that Maturity and Independence should go hand in hand for me to realize that no one would rescue me but myself.

As of now, I welcome this year with optimism that things would be great, where i want it to be.

Edward Cullen aka Alecxandra's Addiction

Who's Edward Cullen? Many people asked me that a dozen times already. For those who haven't read twilight or any other book from the saga, he's just the character you would surely love. For sure, you would be charmed and dazzled by him. Just take it from me and all those girls who already read this amazing book.

Top 5 reasons Why I'm Addicted to Edward Cullen

5. He doesn't know he's impossibly perfect. Well, he is! And he would be the last one to admit it.

4. He's so gorgeous. He is described as the one in your dreams. The Exact One. Swear.

3. He sounds so sincere and true.

2. He'll be the greatest vampire you'll ever know. With those sweet and kind words... who will not be charmed?

1. He makes you feel like you're somewhere else surreal, away from reality. Most especially, that he makes you feel like you're his Bella all along.

anguish

Have you ever had the feeling that you never wanna cry again? That after everything you've gone through- all those hardships and sacrifices-it seems you're back again to being nothing?

I'm fifteen and this is hardest thing that I've ever said-what's happening to my life at the moment is my lowest point that for the nth time I'm saying I give up. I give up for being such a loser in my own microcosm. I give up on trying so hard not to disappoint everyone and here i am, a perfect example of a great disappointment. I give up on trying to please everyone even my own self.

This is the time where being judged is the last thing i ever want people to do to me.

I don't want to be so bitter about my life. I want to be happy and carefree and enjoy every bit of it. But now, it seems insuperably difficult. I hate being like this. I'm somewhere in a state I was afraid I would ever be. The anguish I feel is eminent beyond comparison to every bit of pain I undergone and lived through.

This is that certain point of my life where i need those people-those who i thought would be there because they're family -but then that very expectation failed me. So ironic how people these days seem to be. I never thought that they would be the very first persons to leave us behind, let us face the music alone, let us feel the rejection, the shame. How dare you!

But Alecx... bilog ang mundo.

covering up the truth

white lie-a lie concerning a trivial matter, often one told to spare someone's feelings

why do people lie? Even if they think it's better??

I never was a fan of white lies. I hate them. Told to spare someone's feelings? HELL YEAH...I particularly see it as something done out of pity. Being deprived of knowing what's going on is something that doesn't work for me. Even if they think it's much better that way.

I hate when people have to make something up just to cover the truth. why not face the music? People see me as the sarcastic, edgy, misunderstood type of person. Well, i guess not. I just want to be straightforward. I hate complications. Simple works for me. If that's what I say, then that's what I feel at that very moment. The feeling might change, though, and that happens a lot of times.

So when people dare to hide something from me, just so that they can't see my very reaction, i feel so so bad. I feel like I'm so stupid to know something. Which I'm not. I handle things as much as I could, with much enthusiasm and care.

So please, stop the lies. I'm so used of being hurt so if you think I'll be.. it's better that way than covering up the truth.

slightly eccentric.

I dont actually know where to start actually. I had a rough day. maybe it's just me. All the thoughts just keep on creeping back at me and i dont know how the hell should i deal with something i dont freaking know where came from.

ME and MY BIGMOUTH.

I dont know what im feeling. Maybe because im so tired waiting for something that will never come. And for once, i admit that im so so tired. Can i exist without having to explain or defend myself at all.

I cant please everyone. i dont think i should make even one move to make them please me.

the diligent student within me made me awake for those boring hours

Watta day. I felt so low. I miss someone so bad. Why is it so hard for me to move on and get over stuffs.


Anyway, why am i writing something about my stupid lovelife again?? yeah It's stupid. It's dull. I feel like im so so wasting my precious time about that person im not even sure cares about me and my existence.

So much of that!!

this day was more boring than exciting. I met some new teachers and had an orientation about their subject but i felt like sleeping talaga. of course i didn't. What impression would i give them if i actually do that?? But still the diligent student within me made me awake for those hours. Too many requirements as early as now. The REAL school days are happening already. I feel like im so not ready for it. i dunno why. Im really lazy n talaga. Waking me up is as hard as inserting a thread into a needle. well.. Goodluck saken. at sa nang-gigising saken. :D

first day pandemonium

What a fine day it surely was.

i wish i was deaf for about an hour before the classes start. it was really loud. full of voices screaming to their old classmates as if they're gone a million years. Hugs, giggles, laughs enveloped the room. Full of love!!

The people surrounding me seemed to find their lost treasures only their voices, deafening.


I feel like i regretted the excitement i felt for the past month ive been bored at home. i could not admit fully to myself ive wanted this day more than any day this year. and i was mortified. i was embarrassed to hear such screams( annoying screams). so irritating. really.

But still i saw my loved ones. my best friends, my beloved teachers, even to those i disagree at times. but im satisfied with this day, a day to start a more challenging and fruitful year. i hope. :D