anguish

Have you ever had the feeling that you never wanna cry again? That after everything you've gone through- all those hardships and sacrifices-it seems you're back again to being nothing?

I'm fifteen and this is hardest thing that I've ever said-what's happening to my life at the moment is my lowest point that for the nth time I'm saying I give up. I give up for being such a loser in my own microcosm. I give up on trying so hard not to disappoint everyone and here i am, a perfect example of a great disappointment. I give up on trying to please everyone even my own self.

This is the time where being judged is the last thing i ever want people to do to me.

I don't want to be so bitter about my life. I want to be happy and carefree and enjoy every bit of it. But now, it seems insuperably difficult. I hate being like this. I'm somewhere in a state I was afraid I would ever be. The anguish I feel is eminent beyond comparison to every bit of pain I undergone and lived through.

This is that certain point of my life where i need those people-those who i thought would be there because they're family -but then that very expectation failed me. So ironic how people these days seem to be. I never thought that they would be the very first persons to leave us behind, let us face the music alone, let us feel the rejection, the shame. How dare you!

But Alecx... bilog ang mundo.

covering up the truth

white lie-a lie concerning a trivial matter, often one told to spare someone's feelings

why do people lie? Even if they think it's better??

I never was a fan of white lies. I hate them. Told to spare someone's feelings? HELL YEAH...I particularly see it as something done out of pity. Being deprived of knowing what's going on is something that doesn't work for me. Even if they think it's much better that way.

I hate when people have to make something up just to cover the truth. why not face the music? People see me as the sarcastic, edgy, misunderstood type of person. Well, i guess not. I just want to be straightforward. I hate complications. Simple works for me. If that's what I say, then that's what I feel at that very moment. The feeling might change, though, and that happens a lot of times.

So when people dare to hide something from me, just so that they can't see my very reaction, i feel so so bad. I feel like I'm so stupid to know something. Which I'm not. I handle things as much as I could, with much enthusiasm and care.

So please, stop the lies. I'm so used of being hurt so if you think I'll be.. it's better that way than covering up the truth.