Nakakapanibago. Parang may kung anong nagtutulak sa aking buksan muli ang kalokohang blog na 'to. Halos nakalimutan ko na ang ganitong pakiramdam na hindi maipaliwanag. Hindi maalis sa isip ko. Hindi ako mapakali. Mukhang tanga lang. Masyado akong masaya na kahit sarili ko eh naiirita na. Pero ewan, kakaiba talaga at hindi ko maaaring sarilinin lang. Kailangan kong isigaw sa kawalan.

Ang swerte-swerte ko. Sa kung anong kadahilanan eh mukhang naging pabor sa akin ang mundo. Bigla na lamang may nag-hello  para ipaalala na posible pa rin pala akong kiligin. Hahaha nakakainis lang.

At hindi ko alam kung anong pakay ng mundo at kung anong patutunguhan nito... pero heto na naman ako.

Pagtataya

Bakit nga ba nagtataya
Kung alam rin naman ang mapapala
Bakit kailangan pang sumugal
Kung hindi rin malalaman ang itatagal

Isang kantang hindi nya maririnig
hindi kayang ipagsabi ngunit di madadaig
Pandalawahang inaawit ng iisa
Habang nag-iisa, habang sya'y nagsasaya

Oras at panahon ay taliwas
Kaya't takot sa kung saan dadalhin ng bukas
hayaan na lang maghintay at mapagod
sabay lang sa daloy hanggang sa malunod

Alone but with a thousand more

I want to feel more alive.
I want to rediscover my passion in life.
I need to set my priorities.
I need to reestablish my boundaries.
I have yet to surpass my achievements.
I have yet to stop chasing pavements.

Just sad that I'm alone and I've never felt so alone in a long long time. But I guess this is what I've chosen for myself.

All because I'm afraid while colors seem to fade.

MANGMANG

Mangmang

Ako'y dumating sa iyong paglisan
Hinarap kita nang lahat ay iyong tinalikuran
Ang pagtulog mo'y akin namang paggising
Napasigaw mo ang tahimik kong damdamin

Ika'y hinanap nang ika'y nasa kawalan
Sinundan ang yapak kahit walang pinatunguhan
Pinaniwalaan ang dati'y tila'y kalokohan
Ang mababaw ko pang isipa'y ikaw ang pinanigan

Ika'y nasa kadiliman at walang matakbuhan
Ngunit sa akin ika'y nagdulot ng kaliwanagan
Nakakulong ka sa kwartong bukas naman
Pinilit kang lumabas, ika'y takot sa kasalukuyan

Mahirap buhayin ang namatay nang damdamin
Ang inaakalang hangganan ay akin nang narating
Ang katapusan ng isang kaisipang kalokohan
Isang kamangmangan na nagdulot ng kahulugan


isinulat ni Alecxandra Rimbao

the satirist

A cornucopia of failures predicted his life's doom

With fatalism, he never accepted this monotony

A paroxysm of rage filled his heart that happiness has no room

Even his paragon cannot awaken him from this reverie

In melody he found cacophony, in falsity the truth

For he considered darkness a paradisaical haven and refuge

A satirist he has become he has no trust in sooth

As he abhorred his own world just as he's sagacious to be fooled





written by: Alecxandra Rimbao
September 21, 2009

His Paragon

His Paragon
(model of perfection)

A self-confessed epitome of stupidity,
he rummaged what would complete his entity
Became lost in a labyrinth of veracity,
for he was blinded by love, fooled by trust.

Caught up in a delusion with his paragon
though he never winced to express his liking.
But now he's suffering the consequences of fighting
an irrevocable truth was deciphered, now he's hurting

His paragon played her words that made him hope
but then the desire in him turned into chagrin.
How could he be complete for the nth time
if a missing piece just refuse to fit in?

written by alecxandra
july 3, 2009

inspiration: someone: ako yung epitome ng katangahan eh haha napakaasaboy talaga

incognito

before reading this, be sure you've read my last poem, nostalgia. This one is like the response of the devil:> enjoy.

INCOGNITO
(with identity concealed)


i used to live a life full of drudgery
i was infamous, fallible and devilish
i rejoiced as darkness embraced my being
for i could not see how i turned out to be


then i saw her in the evanescent rays of sunset
mesmerized, the heavens cleared as i stared at her.
she had an angelic visage that i could never forget
reality shook me, showed me the different world i was in


It didn't feel like we were under the same sky
though we breathed the same air, had the same Creator
for she proved there could be heaven on earth
i was held under her spell, i do confess


I had to feign for the truth might frighten her
meeting her was ineffable, it couldn't be described
only then did i believe opposites attract
for we had an uncanny connection of love and fervor


We had something which started with lies
though the feeling i had was genuine all along
the truth behind who i was would put her to agony
i spared her from more pain so i left her alone


For while i thought i could bear what i've done
Yet i left her a part of me i never knew i had
I went back to see her to have my heart back
incognito, i couldn't help but comfort her weeping soul


With a kiss, she almost surmised who i was
Another touch became the demise of my secret
She escaped, damaged, scarred and fooled
i never saw her since then, i never should


written by alecxandra rimbao
may 18, 2009

fcuked up.

My life's fucked up. It seems hopeless. I feel helpless.

I once had a thought while i was logged in in facebook. While i was opening an application, I wondered why it would always ask me if i would "allow" others to have an acces to what i do as if others would care. It gives me the option to "post" and let others see what im doing or "skip" so it could be seen by no one. It does irritate me due to the fact that i hate being asked the same question once. Just then, i realized that more than the quizzes, my friends, the chat feature, games and quizzes, that irritating item is what i like best in facebook.

So what's the connection of my life fucked up and facebook?

Nothing.

Last night i hoped my life's a little different. Someone came into my room without knocking. I pretended i was doing something. The truth was, tears were rolling down my face. Thoughts came all over me reminding me of the misery I'm in.

I have friends to share my problems with. Yet, I believe that there are things i have to deal myself successfully before i ask for rescue and have someone answer my life's questions for me.

Just so you know...

I hate people lying to me and still manage to give me a smile.

I have to review in a center to pass UPCAT and ACET.

I need to see my friends.




Are those things too much to ask for?


I'm not asking for shortcuts on how to live an easy life nor give me all the ways not to screw it. I'm just wondering why life's treating me like this. I'm not broke. Just Broken. Oh. maybe Both.

an angel's NOSTALGIA

NOSTALGIA
(bittersweet longing for the past)


undaunted by repeated failures, an angel walked
apprehensions scarcely cease her from running
never a skeptic, never apathetic she has a heart
yet a feeble cry paved way for nostalgia

once, a devil ruined the angel with blatant lies
deviated her from truth said it was illusory
oblivious of what she has become, she believed
eccentrically, she fell deeply in love with him

fallacious memories of this past haunted her
the angel was trapped by the devil's beguiling ways
for her, yesterday would always define her tomorrow
pale and wan, she has become, she yearned for solace

consolation found from another, she first refused
but she was broken so she had him to escape the agony
little did she know , he was there to wound her more
for he was the devil, concealed by a mask

with broken wings and a wounded heart she just walked
she wept and blamed no one but herself
she decided to love she chose to trust
the angel now love's victim, breathed her last


written by alecxandra rimbao
april 20, 2009

i never asked for consolation.

the usual cacophony enveloped my very being

then your paroxysm of giggles made me shiver

peircing every part of me, i continued to shudder

intermittently i heard your voice like chocolate to my ears

i was fighting the mere idea of us in my restless mind

But i knew i wasnt going to win

oblivious to my distraction i was actually falling

this should stop.. i should not be swayed by my own wishes

let me escape this illusion, it would cause me anguish

i'm vulnerable, i never wanted hurt and chagrin

for the nth time wake me up from this deep slumber

to a reality in my microcosm i hope exists..

--alecx